You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
