I am puke
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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