I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Hippo gnu deer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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