every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
