I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
