Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
