She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
