very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
