the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize