Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
