Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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