Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
