I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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