can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
