ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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