the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
