She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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