Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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