it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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