so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
