i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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