Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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