i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
