apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You are the jesus of drinking
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
