Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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