Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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