I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
