I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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