I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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