oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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