i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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