I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
