i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
