i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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