At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
