I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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