just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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