I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
