The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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