I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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