bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
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You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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