i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
