My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
