Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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