I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So vagazzling was a success
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
