I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
