we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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