to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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