return my video game
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
