booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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