It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
