This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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