Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
