i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
