She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
