I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You can't just leave with hair like that
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
