You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
