Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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