wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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