you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
