I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
