It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
