these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
