Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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