i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just pee around me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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