Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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