There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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