If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Rumble strips road head = magical
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
