It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
