so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
