All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
