Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
