Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
