Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
