She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
