I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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