Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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