I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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